


wasteland girl

by maryams



Series: i think you missed a period or two or maybe some common sense [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Confessional Poetry, Poetry, Poetry About Concepts, Poetry About Stuff, Poetry Dump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:33:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maryams/pseuds/maryams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>an anthology; year: unknown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. we start at the end

**Author's Note:**

> it gets bad before it gets better  
> AKA the first couple chapters are early works
> 
> I also own up to any problematic thinking and poems. They are there. I'm sorry. I'm a work in progress.
> 
> all poems and media are mine. all rights reserved. please ask before using.

Wanting to die is not my solution; it is my result  
-and my hypothesis was wrong so I’ll just have to keep trying until it isn’t


	2. lost in my throat

it’s funny how the words i need to say, never find their way out  
-i’m not a map for you to read, so please don’t assume you can navigate me like the open sea. i might just drown you if i so desired.


	3. the fuzzies

When I get emotional, I get fuzzy  
like the anger surging in my veins  
like the despair pounding in my head  
like the ache twisting in gut  
like the fear tearing at my heart  
and like the tears burning my cheeks  
When I get emotional, I get fuzzy  
like tumbleweeds instead of arteries  
like ball bearings instead of organs  
like paper instead of skin  
When I get emotional, I get fuzzy  
like rage in the midst of a tornado  
like hysteria in the midst of a hurricane  
like screams ripping through your throat  
disappearing the moment they pass your lips  
When I get emotional, I get fuzzy  
because I just feel the blood in my veins  
and I think, I should drink more water  
because my blood is too thick, it’s  
about to stop flowing surely  
because I can’t think with all of this  
noise in my head, but it’s  
a steel cavern in my mind,  
all echos and bones and dust,  
and goddamnit  
When I get emotional, I get fuzzy  
like I’m-about-to-burst-at-the-seams-  
my-veins-are-tumbleweeds-and-  
all-piss-poor-blood-and-middle-fingers-raised-  
like-the-walls-of-my-skin-is-busting-open-  
because-there’s-a-fucking-natural-disaster-  
in-my-cells-and-I-can’t-get-it-out  
-I’m a teddy bear filled with rotten stuffing and broken buttons, and scissor blades and lightning storms


	4. a thesaurus of broken

You’re just a broken poem at the bottom of my throat: bitter, jagged, toxic, volatile, unfinished.  
-but like the breath I’ve been holding, you’re not escaping through my lips like the last winds of a tornado just yet.


	5. someone's a bit angry

i don’t want to write about fucking love  
i want to write about how much you piss me off  
-sorry, i have lava for marrow instead of whatever the hell marrow actually is


	6. are things really okay

are things really okay  
or have we just gotten used to   
talking pictures where our  
faces used to smile

are things really okay   
or is my blood screaming   
because I don't know how to be me  
without you 

are things really okay   
or are we playing chicken   
with lions instead and one step   
away from shadows of what we used to be 

are things really okay   
or are we just tearing each other apart  
because our loves aren't compatible   
because I can't say 'our loves' without cringing like a lie just left my teeth   
Because you can only give so much without demanding something in return like a landlord demanding rent 

but I'm broke and I don't know


	7. Let's Play The Silent Game and See Who's Left

Everybody was so busy   
Picking at the lines between their eyes  
Or the smiles painted on their faces,   
Too busy stroking the strings   
That connected them to each other,   
Too busy making sure they didn't catch fire,   
Too busy making sure they're not the ones who set them on fire   
That they didn't hear,   
The flames pouring out from his lips,   
They didn't hear the lies, the toxic   
Slipping out from underneath his teeth   
Under the pretense of God  
That I should be grateful   
Because if they had,   
We'd have had a devolution on our hands of epic proportions   
But then again, was there anything there to begin with?


	8. try to escape the stars burning in your mind

Try to escape the stars burning in your mind   
By painting yourself tall and bright   
Try to save your last graces  
By pulling yourself up by your boot straps   
And charging forward

But you're trying to find yourself   
In the tea you drink, at the bottom of every bottle   
You're searching through the aisles of the aesthetically white supermarket   
Trying to find a sale on peace of mind

But you're not gonna find yourself on top of the world  
If you just close your eyes and lay in the dirt

You can't fool anyone with your make up smile and careless laugh   
You're not fooling anyone   
You're not fooling anyone 

Only the happiest have something to hide


	9. Insomniatic

Midnight burns  
In hues of  
Bleeding reds and  
Sobbing blues and  
Clouds of in between   
In errant thoughts   
And silent screams  
Tussled sheets and   
Sunken eyes staring  
At empty ceilings   
And cement walls   
Racing thoughts and  
Whispered groans  
And open eyes unwavering   
In yearning for tomorrow  
Or for dark to fall  
And sweet, blissful rest   
Till morning suns rise  
And shadows hide   
The reckless carnage   
That midnight leaves behind


	10. Chapter 10

~Every heart has wings, only another can make it soar  
Can I be yours? 6/19/1:16 AM  
~Cracked and torn, this soul is worn but it's still roarin' 6/19/1:18 AM


	11. Tipping Over

Tipping over, falling down  
It all comes pouring out

Twisting and turning  
Spreading and unfurling  
Racing like a wildfire  
Until there's nothing left inside

The blackness of the ink  
Swirling within the growing spot  
The vines curling themselves  
Into a graceful forest

So thick, so im permeable  
The knots and ties everywhere  
A complicated maze that didn't exist  
Until it tipped over


	12. every word i say can change my life

i have a thousand lives in my bones,  
a thousand paths instead of cells,  
but yours is the one i want to live

* * *

 i have a thousand lives in my bones,  
a thousand paths instead of cells,  
but with yours is the one i want to live

**Author's Note:**

> all poems and media are mine. all rights reserved. please ask before using.


End file.
